Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Bible Study Dropout

I am a Bible Study dropout. I've joined countless Bible studies over the last 10 years or so but can only think of 1 or 2 that I've actually "graduated" from. I once dropped out of a Bible study group because the leader kept asking me to read out loud. I dropped out of several when I discovered we were going to have to break into small groups and discuss our feelings. I never returned to one Sunday school class when it started with a "getting to know you" ice breaker that made me so nervous I almost had to leave the room in a cold sweat.  I've dropped out of groups because we had to go around the room and pray out loud, because we had to share something about ourselves with the room that no one would know about us and because we were each asked to lead one week's discussion.  Obviously, I have public speaking issues.

I'm trying to be bolder in my faith and face my fears. I've joined not one, but two, Bible studies and a new Sunday School class recently!!!  Crazy!!  Still my fears and insecurities get the best of me.

Just last Friday, I looked around the room and marveled at the great work God had done in others. Next to me was the larger than life personality. Everybody loves her and she is so outgoing. She has no fear of public speaking and while my eyes immediately shift downward at the "who wants to pray" moment, she is on her tippy toes saying "I will! I will!!"  She is fearfully and wonderfully made!
Next to her was the heart of gold nurse.  She is compassionate and brave and chooses to work with cancer patients as her profession.  If you throw up at my house, I'll be calling my mom and begging her to come clean it up.  This nurturing woman holds the hands of people that are sick and dying.  She is fearfully and wonderfully made!

Then there was the young mother that is far wiser than I could ever hope to be.  She is such a great role model to her children and is sacrificing to teach them valuable lessons.  I am still trying to figure out these lessons myself but she already gets it.  She is fearfully and wonderfully made!

There was the hostess with the mostess who opens her home and heart whenever needed.  She is the first to offer to take a meal and the first to volunteer to help out when someone is struggling.  I'm hiding behind my curtains and pretending no one's home while she is hosting parties and baking bread for someone who just had surgery.  She is fearfully and wonderfully made!

Next to hostess with the mostess was the Bible scholar.  She has hidden God's word in her heart and it shows.  She is a wealth of Biblical knowledge.  Her prayers are eloquent and beautiful and moving.  While I am stumbling over what to say, she is speaking boldly.  God uses her in big ways.  She is fearfully and wonderfully made! 

When my babies were tiny, they had onesies that said those words:  "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made."  I'm thinking I need a shirt that says that to remind me that I too fall into that category.  I may not be as eloquently spoken as others and I definitely won't be volunteering to lead the discussion or pray out loud at the next meeting but I am working on my boldness and I think I'll get there....quietly. 

Your works (even the shy and nervous ones) are wonderful, I know that full well.

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